apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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