For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
