I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
