I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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