no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
