New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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