I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
