I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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