Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
