3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
