Bisexual people are plain selfish.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
