Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I stole a fireplace last night.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize