I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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