you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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