you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Can I color on your dick again?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
