i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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