first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
