Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
