the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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