just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
