I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
