is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
