he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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