I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
