final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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