last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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