your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
