Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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