is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
