it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
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