So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
