I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
