i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
