god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
