I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You were trust falling into bushes
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
