you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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