My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
