70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
