remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
