sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
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He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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