How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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