Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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