My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
