What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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