First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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