she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
