Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
