matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Randomize
