Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
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he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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