TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
