I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize