He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm passing your future prison.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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