No, drunk sperm still make babies.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
