Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize