New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
