i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
