I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
