He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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