the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Acid is not a monday night drug
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
