I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
