One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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