Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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