so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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