I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
