You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
