True but thats because hes a fetus.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
