what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
