Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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