Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
