yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
what the fuck happened to the tacos
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
