You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
