I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
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I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
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Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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